I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
