lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
