She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
