good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
