I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
