Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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