imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i think im in europe. pls send help
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
