I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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