she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
