I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
