then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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