i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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