Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
