When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
