What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
