There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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