I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
