I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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