She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
