I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
