dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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