I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
