I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm getting married
To pizza
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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