Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
