Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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