He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
