under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
