i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
