Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
