we have officially lost it.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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