Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
