If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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