I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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