We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
