just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
