I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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