If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
