i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
PANTIES FOUND
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