I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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