I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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