What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
