I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
