I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
