he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
