There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
