she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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