i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
