i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
