I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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