I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
